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Archive for November, 2008

I also forgot to inform everyone that Is-He-Or-Isn’t-He-Guy was wearing a Northface and some jeans last. week, inevitably stealing my heart. 

So tomorrow he will undoubtedly be dressed in a wife beater and some acid-washed jeans. I’m just hoping hes mysteriously managed to grow a mullet as well.  Now THAT is true love.

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 Me: I accidentally watched an episode of intervention last night
then I woke up this morning to find that no one had cleaned up anything in our apartment [from an insane drunken attempt by too many 20 somethings at having Thanksgiving Dinner]
and I nearly had a panic attack
because there were beer cans EVERYWHERE
and I was all… “Next on Intervention, watch as 17 friends all go to rehab” so then I spent 20 minutes this morning JUST frantically  throwing away beer cans. Because if you hide the evidence, its like we DON’T have a drinking problem.

 

J:  ahahahahaha
you should blog about that

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Part of my job requires me to go to the Dallas Auto Auction once a week and be groped by the eyes of approximately 4,000 dirty old men of varying age, race, and sizes.  Awkward…Did I mention that I attend with my father? Awkwarder…

On occasion some yummy little delight emerges from the 3,999 other fellas to catch my attention.  Recently we relocated and I now find myself back to back with the “Is-he-or-isn’t-he” Guy.  If you have ever been sitting at a Chili’s with your mom while she talks incessantly about the new American Girl doll and stared at some guy across the booth while gnawing on your baby back ribs with a quizzical expression on your face, you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about. 

IS THAT GUY OVER THERE CUTE OR NOT???

Well this was week three of the little game that “Is-he-or-isn’t-he” Guy and I play that I like to call, “Could you possibly turn me off more, and do you want to go make out?”

The first week, “Is-he-or-isn’t-he” Guy brought out the “hey look, I’m normal” card by wearing jeans and a t-shirt.  He is tall, and has a well-sculpted body.  In addition, we are in the same bizarre line of work, so I thought that could be fun. (As in, when people don’t believe what I do, at least I can turn to him and roll my eyes as if to say, “imbeciles!”)

Score: Is He: 1; Isn’t He: 0

The following week “Is-he-or-isn’t-he” Guy slipped a few notches. In what I can only assume was a shortage of time to get ready in the morning, he put together an outfit consisting of cutoff cammo cargo shorts and a t-shirt.  I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you gasping through the computer screen, you must not have read that correctly.  I SAID CUTOFF CAMMO CARGO SHORTS. 

Score: Is He: 1; Isn’t He: 1,647,286

Then he smiled at me and introduced himself and I had to adjust the score a little.

Score: Is He: 1; Isn’t He: 1

This week, he really outdid himself as showcased in the following series of text messages with J.

November 12, 2008 10:17 AM

Cammo cargs is wearing basketball shorts today…in public…where no sport is being played.  This is getting redic.  What will he be wearing next week?!?!?!

From J:

Nov 12, 2008 10:19 AM

I would say god only knows but somehow i don’t think god has anything to do with this. Hes always struck me as a man of style.

[Note from the author: I think J. is talking about god being the one who has great style as she has never met the “Is-he-or-isn’t-he” Guy. Which could be true, I think I saw a pair of Prada sandals once that looked exactly like the ones that Jesus is wearing in The Last Supper.  I mean, I know that is God’s son, but no matter how hard you try, your values rub off on your kids.  Also, I’ve never seen God’s feet which leads me to believe he doesn’t have any, and therefore cannot wear Prada sandals, poor guy.)

Score: Is He: 1; Isn’t He: 2

Tune in next week when I report again on what a virtual stranger is wearing and whether or not I think it is absurd.

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So I was totally going to log on and write this really riblogulous post about either (a) the reason I own 3 of the same juvenile Vampire teen drama novels or (b) why my car will NEVER be registered with the State of Texas again (resulting in what I can only imagine to be the biggest hassle of my life) but instead, when I was typing in “wordpress” to get here, I hit the “e” key on the keyboard and was uncontrollably distracted when the phrase “explore 64 khaki pants” showed up in the previously searched drop down. 

I know what you are all thinking, and no, I did not attempt to “explore 64 pairs of khaki pants” (or their wearers) EVER. I don’t even really like khaki pants. They never seem to fit right, and they remind me of 8th grade marching band (screw you guys, playing the flute is a valuable skill). 

I don’t even have 64 pair of pants in general, so I can only conclude that some khaki-wearing sicko broke in to my office in order to fulfill some sort of bizarre, pant-loving exploration after hours. 

I’m thinking of setting some sort of trap in case they return – like a net, MADE ENTIRELY OF PANTS. And I’m definitely getting a new desk chair.  

UPDATE: I just googled the phrase.  Turns out, Explore 64 is a brand and they do make khaki pants.  This computer used to belong to my fairly normal and non-pant obsessed brother, so its totally possible that he nonchalantly set this trap for me knowing I would freak out.  Just wait until I catch him in my pants net next time, then we will see who is laughing.  

I’d also like you to know that while spell-checking this entry I discovered that I do not know how to spell Khaki.  Yet another reason to explore despising it.  64 times.

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