Posts Tagged ‘tara ried’

My roommate A. sometimes goes on these things called “dates.” I, on the other hand, often lay around the common areas of our apartment in various states of hangover (both food and booze induced) and watch really, really awful television.

Classic Example.

This Sunday, I had spent most of the day on the couch alternately watching Intervention, Wizards of Waverly Place, and True Life.  I’m not proud to admit it, but at one point I set the DVR to record the movie “My Boss’ Daughter” starring THE Ashton Kutcher and America’s Sweetheart, Tara Ried.  It was that kind of day and I wanted you to get the full impact. 

Eventually our other roommate L. decided to get out of her bed and be productive (read: move to the couch and yell at the TV with me).  

Everyone who is anyone knows that Sunday was the premier of the new holiday family classic “Britney: For the Record.” At some point A. had come out of her room and said something along the lines of “Blah, Blah, Blah, boy, Blah, Blah, Date.” At which I almost threw up in my mouth because… HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A DATE???  If not, let me terrorize your senses for a moment.  It tastes a little like a raisin.


Plus, people are always putting them in weird shit like fruit cakes.  And if there is one thing I hate it is when people mess up perfectly good cakes with fruit. 

Anyway, right about the time that L. and I start giggling and repeatedly yelling “sprinkle cheese” because Daddy Spears has spoken the words of the gods, A. brings her date up to our apartment.  My intial response was to lift the blanket covering my legs and make sure I was wearing pants.  Leggings… damn, guess that is close enough.

She introduced us to him and I said “shhhh Britney is on.” then I turned to the fellow and asked “do you like Britney?” he said “no” and I said “you are a fool” and returned to pretending that he didn’t exist. 

I continued to yell “sprinkle cheese” until Brtiney informed us all that the Paparazzi stole her “cool slang” from her.  At which point I let about 15 really offensive comments slip out of my mouth.

He was petting my dog and asked what her name was.  I said, “Cricket. Careful, shes kind of a slut.” A. almost immeidately said, “uh, this is my room, lets go in there.”

You’d think she was ashamed of me or something. 

Its all cool though, because her dog threw up on the guy right after they went into her room, so I don’t think we’ll be seeing him again.

I can’t help it. I’m just living life like a karate kid.


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